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Saturday, September 10, 2011

"I would date you if you had cancer but not HIV?"

Question to those who read this (I would appreciate any insight / comments):

"If your partner told you he/she had Cancer vs. HIV (or the other way around) would the reaction be different?"
 dbcool73 9:22 am
yo! sup homey!

 A_Friend 9:23 am
not much u?
whats up?

 dbcool73 9:23 am
not much - just finished posting on my blog - and gonna finish some coffee, have a shake then go to the gym :-)

 A_Friend 9:25 am

 dbcool73 9:25 am
    how have you been? it's nice out today! I might go to the beach and lay out :-)

 A_Friend 9:25 am
been well
u should go to the beach
it is little chilly for me now

 dbcool73 9:26 am
yeah I might. . .  I am just going to lay out - it is supposed to get up to 80 today I think

 A_Friend 9:50 am
did u post a new video in ur blog yet?

 dbcool73 9:50 am
yep! this morning

 A_Friend 9:53 am
about a message u got on ur facebook?

 dbcool73 9:54 am
that one was posted on Wed - then I posted one this morning about unprotected sex

 A_Friend 9:56 am
just watched it
daniel if u had cancer would u act the same way

 dbcool73 9:58 am
you can't contract cancer from sex.
what kind of question is that?
 A_Friend 9:59 am
just asking

 dbcool73 10:00 am
well I am not sure I understand (A_Friend).
You just gave me the next topic for my v-log post for tmw! LOL

 A_Friend 10:00 am

 dbcool73 10:00 am
I am going to ask my friends for comments on your question - by all means I won't mention your name.

 A_Friend 10:01 am
reason i asked that question

 dbcool73 10:01 am
I don't get it - HIV and the stigmas associated with cancer are dynamically different.

 A_Friend 10:01 am
wanna know?

 dbcool73 10:01 am
yeah of course.
cause it makes no sense to me.

 A_Friend 10:01 am
the year 2001 i dated w jason who is hiv poz

 A_Friend 10:01 am
he told me he was poz 3 weeks after we started dating

 dbcool73 10:01 am
can we talk about this on skype please

 A_Friend 10:02 am
i freaked out
we did not have anal sex yet
after he told me we did safe sex though
i was still nervous having sex w him
then i talked to my one my great friend
i asked him if i should continue dating yet or not
due to his disease
he said would u date him if he had cancer

 A_Friend 10:03 am
i said yes
so diseases dont make any difference ur brain does
he said
thats why i asked u that question

 dbcool73 10:04 am
mmmm interesting.

 A_Friend 10:04 am
now u know
and as of now
i still talk to jason as a friend

 dbcool73 10:05 am
Well (A_Friend), if I was living with cancer, I am not sure I would be as active in educating the world - I think the world is very well plugged in when it comes to Cancer and not HIV.

 A_Friend 10:06 am
but also the world should know that people with hiv live longer than people with cancer
that does not mean u should have unprotected sex

 dbcool73 10:07 am
you are right - but you can't contract cancer from sex (A_Friend) - the stigma associated with HIV is "you are un-dateable" because we can't have sex.

 A_Friend 10:07 am
all i am saying is being uneducated about diseases makes people see the scary mask

 dbcool73 10:08 am
I agree - which is why I am doing the blog!

 A_Friend 10:08 am
does not matter what kind of disease is

 dbcool73 10:08 am
but it does to the world (A_Friend)!
I have to share through my eyes and how the world looks at me through their eyes.
Cancer and HIV carry VERY different Stigmas.

 A_Friend 10:09 am
but in common part of them is

 dbcool73 10:09 am
i agree,
This is a good topic - I am going to talk about this and post it tmw - this conversation puts a lot of questions in my mind.

 A_Friend 10:10 am
they r the biggest scary diseases in the world or usa

 dbcool73 10:10 am
yes they are.



  1. Margaret Martin-BragintonSeptember 10, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    I listen to your vlog and I read what was said. If you care about someone it will not matter what they have. Dating is the gateway to more. Cancer, herpes, HIV, AIDS, Kidney, Heart, it is not important it is the person and to judge is wrong. You may need to take more precautions with having a disease that is sexually transmitted but in the end it shouldn't matter. Would you end a friendship or not start one for the same thing? You may lose out on the time of your life.

  2. Question is - would you have this blog if you had cancer - not being HIV Positive.... That is a personal question about a blog - not a date.
    The circumstances are totally different.
    Cancer is most likely an inheritance. Should those grown ups not have children if they know cancer runs in the family?
    Having HIV does not mean you got it from unprotected sex, nor does it mean you are gay. Straight people contract HIV also... don't forget the blood transfusions. Kids playing in the playground who got a boo boo and touched another child...
    Funny thing is that because you are gay, people assume you got HIV from sex - maybe so, but you can't really prove it. A gay person could have spit in your face and you got their saliva in your eye.. Whatever - stupid right? But it is a possibility.
    Would you date a person who is HIV positive vs Cancer? It is a human element. When Shaq announced he was HIV positive the US changed a lot. We have come a long way with medications. A person who is HIV positive needs to protect their T cells at all times because once they break down, it leads to AIDS. The military allows HIV positive folks to join the service and maintain their service. So, I think there needs to be clarification on the true topic?
    Would you have started this blog if you had Cancer?
    Date HIV positive vs Cancer?
    Date AIDS vs Cancer?
    Have unprotected sex?

    How about blog about the differences in HIV positive, levels of T-cells, AIDS, and the like. Talking to people about unprotected sex is good, but it is also good to talk to people about frequently screening of HIV. In the event a person is tested positive, the earlier the better for medical reasons. Look at Shaq - he tested positive in 1991. He is still with us. I am assuming it is from the early detection (not to mention his pockets got the best he could).

    Humans are funny people. Their mouths don't always do what the brain says and vise-verse.

    Good luck Dan..

  3. Anonymous,

    Thank you for your insight and suggestions. I plan to include blog posts about many of the topics, questions you list above.

    When I speak with groups in lectures, and talk about my experiences living with HIV / AIDS, it is true many "auto-assume" that because I am gay I contracted the virus sexually. I have many friends (straight and gay) who live with the virus, each of them infected by different ways.

    Just as you stated, getting tested, having the knowledge and prevention are key!

    I am growing and learning from this blog each day and today you have helped me to do just that.

    Again, thank you for your insight, and please do continue to follow and share your thoughts, sounds like we all have something to learn from your experiences and knowledge.


  4. Hi Daniel,

    My last two relationships were with men who are HIV poz. I know the stigmas attached. I know the problems they face and as someone who remains neg, I know the guilt that comes from a sense of wondering why them and not me. I live with HIV every day too. My current partner and many friends are INFECTED. I am AFFECTED. My partner is also a cancer survivor. The two diseases are very different and very alike. The possible outcome is the same, but there is much more support for those with cancer. What you are doing Daniel, is a wonderful and much needed help educate the world about HIV/AIDS. Thank you.


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