The 'Big Blue Pill' . . . ARGHHHH! It might not be working!

Running around to meetings and so forth, I couldn't stop to notice every second of today all this anxiety that is churning inside my gut because I go to the doctors tomorrow to get blood results which may show that my body is resistant to the current HIV medication for which I have been prescribed.

For those of you not familiar with HIV medications or the terms used, here is a little bit about my prescribed medication with inclusive links to help educate you.

Currently, I take 2 antiretroviral drugs everyday.  I take 3 pills (1 Truvada, 2 Kaletra) in the a.m. and 2 pills (Kaletra) in the p.m (a total of 5 pills), as well as a myriad of other pills to prevent pneumonia and other complications. I have been on this medication since about June 11, and the initial side effects (which lasted about two weeks) were horrid including vomiting and diarrhea.

My viral load continues to be detectable after several blood work tests, so I recently had a resistance test, which will tell me if the medications are working or tell me if I have to start new medication. Keep your fingers crossed, because I can't imagine that starting a new medication combination (which is referred to as a cocktail) is going to be any more fun than the last.

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively.  Thank you for following my blog.

[in the] Blink of an Eye. . .

2001 Magazine Cover

Some people and friends are still asking me why I am doing this blog. . . why it is so important to me. 

I believe now would be the appropriate time to share with you all what happened back in 2002, when I learned I was HIV positive and how [in the] blink of an eye, I went from being someone. . . to becoming a society labelled liability.

My early days, many of you may recall or remember me as the successor to the legendary Harry Houdini, today I am back on stage as HoudinII . . . and you can follow my tours and shows at my official website.

Below is my story which I will continue to share in the fight to educate others about the myths associated with living with HIV/AIDS. Whether straight, gay, bi-sexual, or transgender - HIV/AIDS stigma still exists. . .  and simply put -  it sucks!

"A Walk of Remembrance. . . a day of mourning, a day of glory, a day of resilience."

On 9.11.2001, I was in bed in my NYC flat on 24th and 6th. Every time this date comes around my body and my mind flashback. . . many of the feelings and memories so scary that I want to put them back in a box and never remember again.

This past Friday (9.9.11) at 7 p.m., I took the Staten Island Ferry into Manhattan because I wanted to get a close-up view of all that was rising around Battery Park and World Trade Center. . . to hold onto "strength" and "courage" that are the backbone of everything I do today.

While on the Ferry, I see these flashing lights. . . out on the water. . . a Coast Guard, gun-ready escort was along side.  My body and mind started going into panic and my friend, who was with me, asked if I wanted to turn around and go back home.

I am really proud of myself that I did not let my inner-panic take hold of me, and continued to use the strength to stand tall, and take a walk of remembrance up to the Freedom Tower. . . the things I witnessed. . . the rebuilding of what was once beaten down. . . gives me strength to find the power to keep fighting no matter the cause. . . below are pictures and videos of the things I saw. I will never forget those whom are now only with me (us) in spirit, who lost their lives on this day. My heart goes out to the men and women of our armed forces, first responders, and those who lost someone dear to them. We are prevailing! United we stand!

Statue of Liberty

NYC Skyline - Heading into Manhattan

Remembrance Field of Honor Flags

The Honor Flags 

Walking up to the Freedom Tower

Honor Flags (at night fall) on the walk back to the Ferry

Video of the Fountain in Battery Park (where the Honor Flags wave in Glory)

Freedom Tower from the Ferry. . . . at night fall

I am Daniel Bauer, and I am living pozitively.  Thank you for following my blog.

"I would date you if you had cancer but not HIV?"

Question to those who read this (I would appreciate any insight / comments):

"If your partner told you he/she had Cancer vs. HIV (or the other way around) would the reaction be different?"

**

 dbcool73 9:22 am
    yo! sup homey!

 A_Friend 9:23 am
    hey
    not much u?
    whats up?

 dbcool73 9:23 am
    not much - just finished posting on my blog - and gonna finish some coffee, have a shake then go to the gym :-)

 A_Friend 9:25 am
    nice

 dbcool73 9:25 am

    how have you been? it's nice out today! I might go to the beach and lay out :-)

 A_Friend 9:25 am
    been well
    u should go to the beach
    it is little chilly for me now

 dbcool73 9:26 am
    yeah I might. . .  I am just going to lay out - it is supposed to get up to 80 today I think

 A_Friend 9:50 am
    did u post a new video in ur blog yet?

 dbcool73 9:50 am
    yep! this morning

 A_Friend 9:53 am
    about a message u got on ur facebook?

 dbcool73 9:54 am
    huh?
    that one was posted on Wed - then I posted one this morning about unprotected sex

 A_Friend 9:56 am
    just watched it
    daniel if u had cancer would u act the same way

 dbcool73 9:58 am
    you can't contract cancer from sex.
    what kind of question is that?

 A_Friend 9:59 am
    just asking

 dbcool73 10:00 am
    well I am not sure I understand (A_Friend).
    You just gave me the next topic for my v-log post for tmw! LOL

 A_Friend 10:00 am
    cancer?

 dbcool73 10:00 am
    I am going to ask my friends for comments on your question - by all means I won't mention your name.

 A_Friend 10:01 am
    reason i asked that question

 dbcool73 10:01 am
    I don't get it - HIV and the stigmas associated with cancer are dynamically different.

 A_Friend 10:01 am
    wanna know?

 dbcool73 10:01 am
    yeah of course.
    cause it makes no sense to me.

 A_Friend 10:01 am
    the year 2001 i dated w jason who is hiv poz

 A_Friend 10:01 am
    he told me he was poz 3 weeks after we started dating

 dbcool73 10:01 am
    can we talk about this on skype please

 A_Friend 10:02 am
    i freaked out
    no
    we did not have anal sex yet
    after he told me we did safe sex though
    i was still nervous having sex w him
    then i talked to my one my great friend
    i asked him if i should continue dating yet or not
    due to his disease
    he said would u date him if he had cancer

 A_Friend 10:03 am
    i said yes
    so diseases dont make any difference ur brain does
    he said
    thats why i asked u that question

 dbcool73 10:04 am
    mmmm interesting.

 A_Friend 10:04 am
    now u know
    and as of now
    i still talk to jason as a friend

 dbcool73 10:05 am
    Well (A_Friend), if I was living with cancer, I am not sure I would be as active in educating the world - I think the world is very well plugged in when it comes to Cancer and not HIV.

 A_Friend 10:06 am
    but also the world should know that people with hiv live longer than people with cancer
    that does not mean u should have unprotected sex

 dbcool73 10:07 am
    you are right - but you can't contract cancer from sex (A_Friend) - the stigma associated with HIV is "you are un-dateable" because we can't have sex.

 A_Friend 10:07 am
    all i am saying is being uneducated about diseases makes people see the scary mask

 dbcool73 10:08 am
    I agree - which is why I am doing the blog!

 A_Friend 10:08 am
    does not matter what kind of disease is

 dbcool73 10:08 am
    but it does to the world (A_Friend)!
    I have to share through my eyes and how the world looks at me through their eyes.
    Cancer and HIV carry VERY different Stigmas.

 A_Friend 10:09 am
    but in common part of them is

 dbcool73 10:09 am
    i agree,
    This is a good topic - I am going to talk about this and post it tmw - this conversation puts a lot of questions in my mind.

 A_Friend 10:10 am
    they r the biggest scary diseases in the world or usa

 dbcool73 10:10 am
    yes they are.

**END**

'butt' Daniel, IT feels SOOOOOO good!

After several conversations with various friends (straight and gay) who insist on telling me how much they love unprotected sex. . .  the following v-log post I felt needed to come out. . .

"Dear Daniel, You are going to hell. . ."

You may need to watch this in YouTube (the text is a little small embedded in my blog) - Please feel free to leave a comment. How would you respond if this showed up in your inbox?  (Note this is not the full message - and the parts in "red" are the statements that really stunned me. . . how would you respond?  Mind you, this person is not a bad person, just surprised this is how he thinks. . . guess we are all entitled to our own thoughts. . . maybe some are best left internal. . .?