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Thursday, September 15, 2011

[daniel], "When is the 'right' time to. . .?"

A friend of mine the other day who recently learned he is HIV + asked me, "when is it the 'right' time to disclose HIV status to others.?"  Here is what I had to say. . .

I don't think there is ever a 'right' time. . . though I think there are moral obligations in certain situations where you should (have to) be honest about your status.   I would very much appreciate if my readers would comment on this, and help provide some additional insight to my friend. . .


  1. It is a medical condition. Not having HIV/AIDS, I really don't think it is anyone's business but the DR who treats you. Here is why in my opinion: if I were pregnant (working construction), I tell my employer my situation, he "fires" me for safety reasons. I can sue him. On the other hand - I don't tell him and I get a DR note with limits, I can get workers comp.
    The military does not flag people for HIV just limit their duties if necessary- why should society?
    Personal opinion: tell only those near and dear (and those potentially) - definetly before you consider a relationship (to be fair and honest).
    For all I know, I get on the train to NYC and I am sitting next to someone who is HIV positive. Unless you wear a t-shirt, I would never know.
    I remember - I met this kid (20 YO) who had/has it. It was the only time I ever met someone with it - and I freaked out. No offense - It is just that I came from a sterile enviroment (or too stupid to pay attention). I suppose my opinion has changed on the matter. I don't think my opinion of him would have been different if he never told me or he never had it. I have no issue with gay folks, my issue is with the frilly ones (and he was one). I just don't understand them - again - NO OFFENSE... PLEASE. I can see the next topic coming... oh boy... I'm in trouble now.... lol. It is very hard to say things the right way when you try to be honest.
    Daniel, I hope all is well.

  2. No one needs to announce their status to anyone unless they are interested in taking the next step toward intimacy. Then it is the other person's right to know. Not before!

  3. I think it should be upfront... I'm not sure... but would it be a waste of time and effort trying to know each other, then suddenly you disclose that you are PLHIV and it is a deal breaker...

    first date... just before you say good night... or at least before you leave the bar if you are a hussy like me before...



    I am contemplating on coming out clean to the world, as you can see, I am faceless, my family knows anyway... so I thought I owe it to the world and the fight against HIV... but then I am still recovering... to thin and still looking sickly...

    I plan to come out once I'm back in tip top shape again and beautiful...


  4. Everyday Fever,
    It is the heart of a person that makes them beautiful. It is how you feel about yourself.
    Like I said to Daniel in a prior blog, sometimes it is imortant to know that people are there to support them. You are supported. Count on those who surround you daily. You do not owe the world anything. Live your life for who you are.
    I am straight. I do not have HIV. I do support HIV being a disease (medical condition). You do not need to wear a t-shirt labeling yourself for me. You do not need to move to an island where I would like the US to house all inmates to fend for themselves to keep our taxes down.
    Good luck to you Everyday Fever! You are supported.
    Daniel, hope all is well.


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