"Oh man! That felt SOOO good!!!"

Josh W and Me

Last night I attended my very first poz mixer here in NYC. Hosted by this impressively sweet and gentle guy (Josh W.), I could not be more grateful that I stumbled upon this much needed weekly event. I want to thank Josh W. for making this event possible - it helps me (and others living with HIV/AIDS) to know that I am not alone.

Thanks to Gary for being the first to say hi! I am excited about having made some awesome friends last night!

My suggestion to anyone who feels like they are alone, find an event, a group. . .  something that has common ground with any issues you might be struggling with today, and just go!  It is sooooo worth it to get out there and build a support group.

"Laying it all out on the Table! Please Don't Run!"

A week ago, I was approached by this amazing site (and team of bloggers), PositiveLite.com, asking if I would interview and share the details of what happened to me back in 2002 and how I am living with HIV today.

I admit, I was nervous doing the interview, and now I am even more nervous this morning! I was thinking to myself, Oh man, will people run away from me now because I have disclosed such personal information, or will this article draw people closer to me and provide a message of hope? I certainly hope it is the latter!

I am asking all of my readers and followers, please check out the interview (CLICK HERE), and please share my story via your twitter and facebook accounts.  I have laid it all out on the table and asking you to help support me by getting my message out there!

 I am standing tall today, and hope you will stand tall with me.

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively! Thank you for reading and following my blog!

Big hugs,
Daniel

P.S. Thank you to Bob, Brian and the PositiveLite.com Team for sharing my story. I am eternally grateful.

"H" is for Human NOT Gay!! (Dumb-Ass!)

Town Hall Meeting, Sept. 26, 2011 with Dionne Warwick

I attended (last night) my very first Town Hall  meeting on HIV/AIDS (presented by Dionne Warwick) with an esteemed panel including Actress Sheryl Lee Ralph and Emmy Award Winning AIDS Activist Rae Lewis-Thorton.

I have never been so inspired about my courage to fully disclose what has happened in my life. Rae, Sheryl and Dionne had me in tears of joy. Their dedication to creating a new, bold conversation to educate EVERYONE about HIV/AIDS and the importance of getting tested no matter who you are was emotionally infectious!

What impacted me the most were the variety of questions attendees asked the panel in search for a greater understanding of how HIV/AIDS is affecting our local communities.  Questions asked focused on stigma, prevention, cures and much more. I learned a lot. Living with HIV/AIDS, I certainly do not have all the answers and I now know I need to attend a lot more of these types of events and would encourage my friends and anyone reading this, if there is an opportunity to attend a workshop, discussion forum or meeting to get better educated about HIV/AIDS, then go do it!

Now, this one guy, as the mic gets to his lips, (I could tell he was hot on his feet to get answers), asked the following question,  "What is your view on Gay Marriage?"  The reaction from the crowd and the expressions on the panelists' faces. . . PRICELESS!  What the HELL does Gay Marriage have to do with prevention and education of HIV/AIDS??!! Seriously, how more stigmatized does this disease have to become? HIV is NOT A GAY DISEASE! HIV is an equal opportunity disease. Anyone at any age, any race, any sexual orientation is at risk.  This is why it is vitally important for our nation - you the reader, your friends . . . everyone around us to become better educated.

I want to give Sheryl Lee Ralph a HUGE shout-out for standing up for the gay community and putting this DUMB-ASS in his place! The "H" in HIV is for HUMAN . . . NOT GAY!

Please friends, help to break down the barriers, educate your friends and get tested no matter who you are. Know your status!

I am Daniel, and I am living pozitively. Thank you for following my blog!

p.s. Rae - Thank you for the double hug - you are my hero!

Reflect-SHUN? or Reflect-SHINE?

The alarm rang at six this morning, I slowly got out of bed, put a pair of boxer briefs on and made my way into the kitchen to put a pot of coffee on. While waiting for the morning energy mud to brew, I head into my living room, start up Pandora,  (Annie Lennox station is my favorite!) and I look into this big mirror hanging on the wall above the fireplace, and think to myself – ugh, I really don’t like what I see.  I quickly fix my bed-head, flex a little and almost see myself begin to smile, but quickly sigh.

Before I was diagnosed with HIV, it was easy for me to feel good about what I looked like. . .  posing for the cameras, people telling me all the time I am sexy and in general believing that I am just as beautiful on the inside as I am on the outside.

Today is a different story.  I have good days and not so good days when I look into the mirror. I feel like I am chasing after this “outer vanity” that society says one must possess to be considered successful or to even get noticed, and if I don’t possess ‘it’, I feel like I am shunned, tossed into a corner where no one will ever recognize me.  Shallow right??

So I flex a little more, trying out a few more sexy poses, sucking in my cheeks – giving the model pose all I got to try and feel a little better about myself.  Shallow again right??

I am stuck on the idea that if I don’t look good on the outside, how can I feel good on the inside?  It’s a struggle, sometimes, getting comfortable in my own skin.

I practice self-affirmations to build my inner self-esteem, trying my best to ignore the idea that everyone is always staring at me – because they see the HIV, as do I, sometimes believing that I am ugly.

I know that it is the reflect-shine that must come from within to continue to believe in myself and that it is not the vanity that is important for me to succeed and be accepted.   Easier said than done sometimes, I suppose.

Is anyone else struggling with this “vanity” addiction?  Any words of encouragement? Am I alone in my thoughts?

I am Daniel, and I am living pozitively. Thank you for following my blog.

F**K YOU BULLIES!!

I am sick and tired of these Cowardly Bullies! So here is my message to those Bullies!

Anyone being bullied? Your life is worth every single minute of every single day in this country where we are all given the right to be who we are! Be Brave! Fight the Bullies!  Stand Tall!

A Day with HIV in America . . . "What's your snapshot??"

Positively Aware Magazine is doing a very cool thing.

Picture I submitted today!

Friends, readers. . .  I hope you all take your best shot in the fight against the stigmas associated with HIV / AIDS and submit your picture today! 






I am Daniel, and I am living pozitively! Thank you for following my blog!

WAYYY COOL!!!! [Online Gamers Crack AIDS Enzyme]

Just before I was rushed to the hospital on June 7, 2011, some of you may know (and if you don't), I was working with a global education company as a consultant and helped to organize a games-based mathematics learning arcade for youth in NYC at the World Science Festival.  

My friend (RS), shared a link with me about an article that talks about Online Youth Gamers who have cracked an AIDS Enzyme Puzzle! How frick'n cool is that?!!

I am a huge fan of games-based learning in the classroom and think more teachers should be tuning into this kind of learning in the classroom.

While my life is now taking a very different direction with activism and public speaking, the company I worked for offers one of the most incredible online games-based learning environments for mathematics (and it's FREE).  If you are a teacher - which I know many of my followers are, and would like to know more information about this awesome Mathematics program, send me an email and I will be happy to send you a link to the site. (I am not mentioning the site here, in fear of publicly associating my HIV status with their company).

Education is the key. . . and this type of news really gets my blood pumping in excitement! Please share this article with your friends,  teachers and other educators! Games-based learning rocks - and it's doing good for people living with HIV/AIDS.

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively.  Thank you for following my blog!

Dialed into D-A-D. . . Honest or Lie?

Curiosity about what the protocol is, when dialed into the "Digital Age of Dating" (D-A-D), and a profile question asks to list your  "status" (when you know you are poz or don't know)  do you select (1) Positive (2) Don't Know (3) Negative (4) Leave Blank? I have friends who are poz, who select "negative" because of fear they will never meet anyone. Is this being honest. . .  shouldn't you leave the question blank so you are not misleading. . .? Should you be honest, or do you lie in fear of being "labelled" as not-dateable before a conversation even starts. . .

Please comment. . . if you have time.

I am Daniel and I am Living Pozitively.

Today marks the 4th Annual HIV / AIDS and Aging National Awareness Day

Today marks the 4th Annual HIV / AIDS and Aging National Awareness Day.

I found this article online that discusses the importance of building awareness about those living with HIV / AIDS and aging.  If you get a chance, take a read.

Thank you for following my blog.

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively.

"Blunt" is it catchy enough??

So I am working on a new public speaking program. . . and well simply put I need your help! I am curious what you think about the concept above. . . is this catchy - what comes to mind immediately when you see this??

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively. Thank you for following my blog - and commenting on the above.

[daniel], "When is the 'right' time to. . .?"

A friend of mine the other day who recently learned he is HIV + asked me, "when is it the 'right' time to disclose HIV status to others.?"  Here is what I had to say. . .

I don't think there is ever a 'right' time. . . though I think there are moral obligations in certain situations where you should (have to) be honest about your status.   I would very much appreciate if my readers would comment on this, and help provide some additional insight to my friend. . .

The 'Big Blue Pill' . . . ARGHHHH! It might not be working!

Running around to meetings and so forth, I couldn't stop to notice every second of today all this anxiety that is churning inside my gut because I go to the doctors tomorrow to get blood results which may show that my body is resistant to the current HIV medication for which I have been prescribed.

For those of you not familiar with HIV medications or the terms used, here is a little bit about my prescribed medication with inclusive links to help educate you.

Currently, I take 2 antiretroviral drugs everyday.  I take 3 pills (1 Truvada, 2 Kaletra) in the a.m. and 2 pills (Kaletra) in the p.m (a total of 5 pills), as well as a myriad of other pills to prevent pneumonia and other complications. I have been on this medication since about June 11, and the initial side effects (which lasted about two weeks) were horrid including vomiting and diarrhea.

My viral load continues to be detectable after several blood work tests, so I recently had a resistance test, which will tell me if the medications are working or tell me if I have to start new medication. Keep your fingers crossed, because I can't imagine that starting a new medication combination (which is referred to as a cocktail) is going to be any more fun than the last.

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively.  Thank you for following my blog.

[in the] Blink of an Eye. . .

2001 Magazine Cover

Some people and friends are still asking me why I am doing this blog. . . why it is so important to me. 

I believe now would be the appropriate time to share with you all what happened back in 2002, when I learned I was HIV positive and how [in the] blink of an eye, I went from being someone. . . to becoming a society labelled liability.

My early days, many of you may recall or remember me as the successor to the legendary Harry Houdini, today I am back on stage as HoudinII . . . and you can follow my tours and shows at my official website.

Below is my story which I will continue to share in the fight to educate others about the myths associated with living with HIV/AIDS. Whether straight, gay, bi-sexual, or transgender - HIV/AIDS stigma still exists. . .  and simply put -  it sucks!

"A Walk of Remembrance. . . a day of mourning, a day of glory, a day of resilience."

On 9.11.2001, I was in bed in my NYC flat on 24th and 6th. Every time this date comes around my body and my mind flashback. . . many of the feelings and memories so scary that I want to put them back in a box and never remember again.

This past Friday (9.9.11) at 7 p.m., I took the Staten Island Ferry into Manhattan because I wanted to get a close-up view of all that was rising around Battery Park and World Trade Center. . . to hold onto "strength" and "courage" that are the backbone of everything I do today.

While on the Ferry, I see these flashing lights. . . out on the water. . . a Coast Guard, gun-ready escort was along side.  My body and mind started going into panic and my friend, who was with me, asked if I wanted to turn around and go back home.

I am really proud of myself that I did not let my inner-panic take hold of me, and continued to use the strength to stand tall, and take a walk of remembrance up to the Freedom Tower. . . the things I witnessed. . . the rebuilding of what was once beaten down. . . gives me strength to find the power to keep fighting no matter the cause. . . below are pictures and videos of the things I saw. I will never forget those whom are now only with me (us) in spirit, who lost their lives on this day. My heart goes out to the men and women of our armed forces, first responders, and those who lost someone dear to them. We are prevailing! United we stand!

Statue of Liberty

NYC Skyline - Heading into Manhattan

Remembrance Field of Honor Flags

The Honor Flags 

Walking up to the Freedom Tower

Honor Flags (at night fall) on the walk back to the Ferry

Video of the Fountain in Battery Park (where the Honor Flags wave in Glory)

Freedom Tower from the Ferry. . . . at night fall

I am Daniel Bauer, and I am living pozitively.  Thank you for following my blog.

"I would date you if you had cancer but not HIV?"

Question to those who read this (I would appreciate any insight / comments):

"If your partner told you he/she had Cancer vs. HIV (or the other way around) would the reaction be different?"

**

 dbcool73 9:22 am
    yo! sup homey!

 A_Friend 9:23 am
    hey
    not much u?
    whats up?

 dbcool73 9:23 am
    not much - just finished posting on my blog - and gonna finish some coffee, have a shake then go to the gym :-)

 A_Friend 9:25 am
    nice

 dbcool73 9:25 am

    how have you been? it's nice out today! I might go to the beach and lay out :-)

 A_Friend 9:25 am
    been well
    u should go to the beach
    it is little chilly for me now

 dbcool73 9:26 am
    yeah I might. . .  I am just going to lay out - it is supposed to get up to 80 today I think

 A_Friend 9:50 am
    did u post a new video in ur blog yet?

 dbcool73 9:50 am
    yep! this morning

 A_Friend 9:53 am
    about a message u got on ur facebook?

 dbcool73 9:54 am
    huh?
    that one was posted on Wed - then I posted one this morning about unprotected sex

 A_Friend 9:56 am
    just watched it
    daniel if u had cancer would u act the same way

 dbcool73 9:58 am
    you can't contract cancer from sex.
    what kind of question is that?

 A_Friend 9:59 am
    just asking

 dbcool73 10:00 am
    well I am not sure I understand (A_Friend).
    You just gave me the next topic for my v-log post for tmw! LOL

 A_Friend 10:00 am
    cancer?

 dbcool73 10:00 am
    I am going to ask my friends for comments on your question - by all means I won't mention your name.

 A_Friend 10:01 am
    reason i asked that question

 dbcool73 10:01 am
    I don't get it - HIV and the stigmas associated with cancer are dynamically different.

 A_Friend 10:01 am
    wanna know?

 dbcool73 10:01 am
    yeah of course.
    cause it makes no sense to me.

 A_Friend 10:01 am
    the year 2001 i dated w jason who is hiv poz

 A_Friend 10:01 am
    he told me he was poz 3 weeks after we started dating

 dbcool73 10:01 am
    can we talk about this on skype please

 A_Friend 10:02 am
    i freaked out
    no
    we did not have anal sex yet
    after he told me we did safe sex though
    i was still nervous having sex w him
    then i talked to my one my great friend
    i asked him if i should continue dating yet or not
    due to his disease
    he said would u date him if he had cancer

 A_Friend 10:03 am
    i said yes
    so diseases dont make any difference ur brain does
    he said
    thats why i asked u that question

 dbcool73 10:04 am
    mmmm interesting.

 A_Friend 10:04 am
    now u know
    and as of now
    i still talk to jason as a friend

 dbcool73 10:05 am
    Well (A_Friend), if I was living with cancer, I am not sure I would be as active in educating the world - I think the world is very well plugged in when it comes to Cancer and not HIV.

 A_Friend 10:06 am
    but also the world should know that people with hiv live longer than people with cancer
    that does not mean u should have unprotected sex

 dbcool73 10:07 am
    you are right - but you can't contract cancer from sex (A_Friend) - the stigma associated with HIV is "you are un-dateable" because we can't have sex.

 A_Friend 10:07 am
    all i am saying is being uneducated about diseases makes people see the scary mask

 dbcool73 10:08 am
    I agree - which is why I am doing the blog!

 A_Friend 10:08 am
    does not matter what kind of disease is

 dbcool73 10:08 am
    but it does to the world (A_Friend)!
    I have to share through my eyes and how the world looks at me through their eyes.
    Cancer and HIV carry VERY different Stigmas.

 A_Friend 10:09 am
    but in common part of them is

 dbcool73 10:09 am
    i agree,
    This is a good topic - I am going to talk about this and post it tmw - this conversation puts a lot of questions in my mind.

 A_Friend 10:10 am
    they r the biggest scary diseases in the world or usa

 dbcool73 10:10 am
    yes they are.

**END**