A strong week of living: where did the time go?

I feel like I barely stopped once to truly reflect on any individual moment that I experienced.  I looked at the date on my phone this morning and thought to myself, “Oh crap it’s Thursday . . . a week since my last post!!” Where did the time go? I guess when life gets so busy (at least for me) one day seems to melt into the next and before you know it. . . WAM . . . all this time has passed by and not once did I stop to really reflect on any one individual moment right when it’s happening.

Let me get you up to speed on what’s been going on.

Today, I am able to breathe much, much easier.  In a previous post, I had addressed the horror of working with New York’s Human Resources Administration staff, and their HASA Program and how I was near homelessness as a result of their misinforming me of specific housing payment program requirements, until after-the-fact.  But get this, there is more to the story than I had thought; it wasn’t only my rental payments that were denied; it just so happens one of the program workers who denied these payments had also closed my entire HASA case including medical coverage for no reason.  WTF??!!

I was scared shitless when this all took place the other week. I mean, how was I supposed to get my landlord to work with HASA?  I was afraid of her learning about my HIV status, I did not want her to know that I had fallen ill and now had no income and had exhausted all of my emergency funds. Well, I had no choice; either I break the lease, get evicted and homeless, or I buck it up, take my chances and tell her the details as to why payments were denied, hoping she would understand and work with me and the HASA agency. Thankfully she was very understanding and amended the lease to meet HASA requirements. The rental payment paperwork was processed (once again) earlier this week – shweeeew!

All of this stress could have simply been avoided if the HRA workers, who were assigned to my HASA case-file actually gave a crap about their job. Unfortunately, these workers were rude and careless; adding much unneeded worry and stress to my already compromised immune system. So, the second time around, I demanded to speak with a supervisor to get answers and to get mistakes fixed.  I let the supervisor know that I was NOT getting the level of dignified support that any human being should be given under my circumstances. My case-file was reinstated and the blatant, careless mistakes (which should never have been made in the first place) were fixed immediately. These agencies are here to help people like us during times of hardship. I should not have to feel like I am “the scum of the earth” or any less than the next just because I live with HIV / AIDS. It sucks that I got really sick, it sucks even more I have to put my hand out and grovel for help. It is really embarrassing. I am proud of myself for not giving up.

Now that is off my chest, let me share with you a lot of good things that have happened this past week.  I did my first LIVE interview this past Sunday (October 30) with POZ I AM Talk Radio. Hosts, Robert Breining and Jeromy Dunn truly made the experience a very safe, fun and liberating one. These guys are truly inspiring and I applaud them for all of their efforts! I am thankful that the POZ I AM social network is there to support people like myself.  I highly recommend that if you (or anyone you know) is living with HIV / AIDS, you should definitely join their social network for support as well as tune in every Sunday night at 9 PM EST for their live talk show, featuring a new speaker each week. If you were unable to listen to my interview live, don’t fret, you can listen to the interview anytime online. (Robert & Jeromy – THANKS!!!)  

More almost (very close) feel good news I got this week is when I went back to my Doctor’s to check up on blood work to see if my viral load finally went undetectable. . . and the results. . . NOT YET! (but close). Still no need to change my meds and blood work will be done in another month to continue to track the progress of the meds. All I can do is hope for the best . . . but I still worry, all the time, that my viral load simply won’t reach undetectable. Why are they working so slowly on me??!! It is frustrating; I am powerless. I have to put all of my faith into the science of these HIV meds and hope they continue to work their magic.

Seven days a week strong is the steady promise I made to myself as I continue working towards achieving that “ripped body” I have always wanted. Let me tell you that with everything else that was going on this past week, my workouts have not been as focused and I am not sure if it’s from low energy or what. I have slacked on my diet and have totally cheated on the amount of cardio I should be committed to.  I have to figure out a way to balance the turns in life so they do not distract me from giving 100% to all the goals I have set for myself and passionately committed to achieving; though, sometimes easier said than done.   I need help with this fitness goal though . . . can anyone suggest a cardio routine that is proof-positive to lean out and get that ripped look?  I have tried several and I am not seeing results. . . I would appreciate any comments and suggestions.

So I forge ahead, after another week that was filled with moments of struggle, moments of success and moments of simply being content. . . no matter how I look at them, they all add up, as moments of gratitude. I do my best to not take these moments for granted (even the struggles – because they make me stronger). I just need to work on slowing down, staying in the ‘now’ -  and truly appreciating and embracing each moment as they take place right then and there; staying in touch with every breathe of my wonderful life.

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively.  Thank you for following my blog. Continue to be part of my journey on a daily basis and become my friend on facebook it's a lot of fun!