"Yes we distribute condoms, but just not to you." (WTF?!?)

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to attend an informative panel discussion on HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention, presented by an evangelist congregation held at their house of worship in Brooklyn. I thought to myself, as I walked in, "How cool is it that this religious institution is offering this kind of information and taking a role in building awareness to their communities!" But boy oh boy did I not have a clue of what I was about to walk into.

On the panel were two incredible plwha (people living with HIV/AIDS); a heterosexual female and a heterosexual male (who was prenatally infected). Their messages were strong and dynamic! Also sitting on the panel was a holistic nutritionist, who was quite boring and didn't make much sense to me about diet and HIV (but that's a whole other blog post); an infectious disease doctor who ran  through current stats and information, and a guy who just pissed me off - the church's Minister /Pastor (not sure what the correct title is so excuse my ignorance hoping I don't offend anyone).

Before I get into my rant, I want to make clear that I respect all religions, all lifestyles and all beliefs. Everyone is entitled to his/her own path in life no matter one's faith or other spiritual beliefs (or maybe none at all).

Moving on, the communities that this church serves, from my first initial glance which was then confirmed by the panelists, are high-risk for HIV infection. So, as the panel discussion continued on the Minister made an announcement that their church will begin to distribute condoms. Now thinking to myself, "Wow, this is pretty cool to hear!" Then I simply gasped . . . STUNNED at what came out of this Minister's mouth next.

"We will be selective to whom we choose to give a condom. If you do not follow our congregation's beliefs or meet our religious criteria we may choose not to give you a condom if you ask us for one."

"WTF?!"

Can someone please help me to understand why this community serving institution would make this kind of policy. Let's say an adolescent, or young adult or even senior walked in off the street, wanting to protect his/her own life knowing this church has condoms, but then is turned away. . . because he/she does not meet the religious criteria for the condom distribution program. Am I missing something here??!!??

I am at a loss for words. . . please share your thoughts on this. .  what is your take on this Minister / Church's condom distribution program?

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively. Thank you for following my blog.

p.s. please consider following me on Twitter or adding me as a friend on Facebook.

Panic Button!?! The F**K-F**K Train to H-I-Ville

Just how silly are you with your willy when you board the F**K-F**K train of orgasmic pleasure? Well, when the 'cockductor' says ALL-ABOARD you might want to seriously think twice and hit the panic button first before you decide to hop on without your condom-safety-belt! The ride might seem amazing at first, but in the long run you may just find out that your orgasmic journey made a wrong turn taking you straight to H-I-Ville.

My trip went something like this. . .

I had just finished a mind-blowing performance in California. With my partner waiting for me backstage, we went back to our hotel room and popped open a bottle of champagne to celebrate the standing ovation from a sold-out-crowd. The kissing starts, the clothes come off and we are naked in bed enjoying each and every touch. The erection in my dick told me so. Then he whispers into my ear , "Oh Daniel, I want to make pure love to you . . . I want to be with you completely for the rest of my life. . . let's do it! Let's make pure love!" (or something like that, god only knows I was feeling amazingly tipsy from the bubbly enhanced by the naked sensuality).

It was my own choice to feel the natural orgasmic feeling without hesitation or need to hit the panic button. I mean we were together for quite some time and I said to (more like asked) him, "We haven't been tested, are you sure this is okay, are you neg?" he replies, "Of course I am, let's do it. I want to be with you."

So, let me tell you, the feeling of an unwrapped penis up my hole was sensational! Ohhhhh God it FELT sooooo good! And for the next six months every time was unprotected sex. . . no testing! Just sex! Lots of sex! He was the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with! It was the best monogamous(?) relationship a guy could ever ask for! (Or so I thought).

Long story short, I was tested. Two weeks before I learned of the shocking news, he had packed up his stuff, I came home from a rehearsal and he was gone. To this day never have heard back from him.

I guess what I am trying to say is . . . was this one drunken stupor of a night worth it. Did he even know, did I know?  Honestly, it was my own stupidity that brought me to contracting the virus. I should have just hit the panic button! Told him to put the damn condom on and waited for both of us to get tested. Had his results come out positive, then we both would have known that unprotected sex could never happen. Love would have remained. . . we would just had to be a bit more vigilant in taking care of ourselves. Damn the bubbly! Damn the altered sensory in my mind to convince me to hop on the F**K-F**K train without protecting myself.

This whole thing was preventable. I chose NOT to say no and tell him to put the condom on. Today I am seeing this and hearing this all too often in all our various communities, (Gay, Straight. . . and everything in between).

HIV, while not a death sentence,  I could have prevented contracting. Now, I am living with it - with 100% dignity and respect for myself. I know I have a long life ahead of me, but simply put, one stupor moment, in the blink-of-an-eye. . . for the rest of my life, I have to now be vigilant about taking meds, having blood checked,  mapping out public restroom use (because the meds still 'eF' up my bowel system. . .) and much more.

So I am curious - why do people forget to hit the panic button before having sex. . . what message is NOT being communicated loud and clear that we should be sending to people about the risks of HIV/AIDS?

I am living with HIV and my situation was 100% preventable. I will live a long healthy life. My question to you is. . . Are you living with HIV? If not, are you taking the precautions to remain HIV free? If you don't know if you are HIV neg or poz, what is holding you back from getting tested?

I wish we both got tested. A test that preserves lives whether you have it or not. I believe it is better to know, than to think you don't have it or don't know if you have it.

When is the last time you were tested?!?

Is this message loud and clear?

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively.  Thank you for following my blog.

P.S. We all need more voices and friends in the fight against HIV/AIDS - both awareness and prevention. Help me be a larger force and voice in this journey - join me on facebook and follow me on twitter.

The beginning. . . (Certainly not the end).

Crap I was nervous!