Dear Oops Ouch. . .

I think it's pretty cool that following my most recent post, which triggered some pretty crappy emotions inside me (and by the way thank you for all the incredible support and unconditional love many of you shown by leaving comments here and on my facebook and other group pages), some followers have taken the time to send me emails asking questions, wanting to know more about my past and how I have pulled through some of the tougher times. Maybe my little journey of life and hope through this blog is making a difference.

I received an email . . . and from the looks of the email address, this follower might be from Denmark. Rather than just reply mono-eee-mono, I thought it would be cool to share the email with all of you and answer this person's questions out-right in this post.

After typing out a long-winded text-filled reply, I decided to print out my response and cam it hoping to add a bit more intimacy to my little journey of hope. I am proud to be the person I am today, and have no problem looking the world in the eye - and saying so. . .

Ok here is the email that was sent to me. . .

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From: Oops Ouch

Sent: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 3:56 AM

To: daniel@livingpozitively.com

Subject: Hi Daniel, this about your blog

Hi Daniel,

I came across your blog while surfing the internet. I have some questions, which intrigue me, if you are able to share some of your stories with me (I even sent you an email as anonymouse comment today)...

I DO understand that substance dependancy is so strong, that when you use crystal meth it completely takes over your mind.

Tell me:

    1)      do you still feel like going back to using crystal meth? What's the feeling like, to be away from the drug? Is the craving bad?

    2)      Have you sold your body for sex to procure money for the substance dependancy? Tell me everything. I am so interested in knowing more... What do you mean night of horror and destruction that you had that night using crystal meth? What followed that?

    3)      Have you had sex with someone for money and in the process, transmitted HIV? In which case, I still dont understand why they'd even pay for sex in the first case or atleast not test with you together at a clinic in the first place!

I am actively following your blog! :)

Warm greetings from a care giver for someone HIV poz
“L”

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And my reply. . .

The PositiveLite.com interview by Bob Leahy can be found by clicking here.

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively. Thank you for following my blog.

How many times do I need to say sorry?

Apparently there are people who still believe I am not worth living a life of dignity because they were hurt in my path of self destruction when I learned that my HIV diagnosis had become the unspoken discrimination abruptly ending a dream I worked so hard to build and live.

Today, I received an email from an anonymous email account.  The email is one sentence long, "I hope your HIV kills you for all the bad you have done, I could careless if your life has changed for the better."

My stomach dropped to the floor.

Are there people out there who really do not want to see me make a difference as I boldly open up my entire life (all the good and all the bad) as I share my story about how I have overcome many dark adversities and found the hope and strength to move beyond the time when I allowed my HIV to be the center of destroying everything around me; particularly destruction that was powered by uncontrollable substance abuse?

I admit, I did some pretty crappy things and would need more than all my fingers and toes to count the number of people that were really hurt by my actions because I gave up on life. I won't go into the war stories; nor do I choose to reflect on them as these memories are painful enough. I have taken the last many years of my life to rebuild my inner-hope and strength; and with that have done some amazing things while working with global organizations, government entities and much more. I have learned to forgive myself and I do just that each day by making the choice to live a life that is filled with a new-found love for who I am as a person today.

To this person who emailed me and who I guess I have hurt along my journey, "I am deeply sorry." While you may never forgive me and even go out of your way to try and beat me down, I won't let your words to allow me to take steps backwards. I am doing great things today. . .

I will make (am making) a difference in the world today.  I will reclaim my place in this world with dignity and will try my best to fight the stigma associated with living with HIV / AIDS by continuing to reclaim my dream of becoming one of the world's greatest escape artists since the Houdini era and by continuing to speak out boldly to inspire and give hope to others.

I am proud of who I am today. That is what matters most. Am I alone? Can anyone else relate? I need some love and support on this.

I am Daniel and I am living pozitively. Thank you for following my blog.